This poem is about life after antidepressants. Long term use of SSRI’s left me feeling burned out and uninspired. One day I just decided to stop taking them cold turkey. Initially I crawled into a dark hole for over 6 months waiting around for my brain chemistry to repair itself. The most irritating part of the whole experience was the fact that the medical community distributes these pills like candy but won’t even use the word “withdrawal” to describe the horrible symptoms from discontinued use. And that’s bullshit.
You were an an angsty teen that felt too much
Muffled by the silence
Someone who cried at the world
Lack of control, lack of understanding
So angry so young, so full of hatred
But whats become of you now?
Once raw emotion and yet now there is none
Splatter my brain in a new way
Challenge what I thought it could be
I stood at the edge screaming
Filling a void
With nothing else to say
Nothing to understand
That’s what the drugs took away
Fighting for freedom
Fighting for truth
Fighting myself
Fighting for you
Can’t shake the numbness
I never knew what they meant
but now I remember
That was after the drugs wore off
Now all is quiet
Think Im out of my head
Wondering how I made it out
Im still not brain dead
Thats how it feels sometimes
Under it all
Trying to read between lines of my mind
Everything piles on at one time
Sifting threw the mud
And the sickness
And the ego
And shadow
Braving the depths
Searching for the final traces of me
There’s a piece thats hides
Far in-between
A funeral for the part of myself that believed
The dirty growling dog of a soul
Cries out for something more
But they prescribe you complacency
And you stay where you are
Don’t ever change ! They say
This is fine! To say the same
Isn’t that what you wanted?
Too afraid to change?
Thats not how it supposed to be
At least not for me
That won’t be my reality
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